Hypnosis Awry
by Pout
Summary: The girls are acting a little crazy. More so than usual. Some are oversexed, some are under. Some are being just plain naughty.


Disclaimer: Characters are not mine.  This is sure to cause trauma so, sorry in advance.

[Hypnosis is something parents should talk to their children about—Eh, not quite.  Apparently, you can't hypnotize anyone unless they're willing, so yeah, everything that happens in this little fanfic really is just that—fiction.  Although, wouldn't it be fun if you could...?  Ah, my wicked little mind...]

AN: Mature content ahead.  Beware, kiddies.

_For Jooles, many months after her birthday.  0_o;;;_

**Hypnosis Awry**

by Pout

                One lovely Sunday evening, while the men were away doing some impromptu late-night overtime, saving the planet, mankind and all that, the women made use of their time unfettered by their male counterparts to hold one of their infamous get-togethers.  The girls—women, really—made a habit of meeting as often as possible so as to trade naughty secrets and do the stereotypical female gossiping thingy.  As with any other good female gossip bash, this one made its way steadily towards the subject of sex.  As with any other good group of hormonal women, this group was gratuitous and candid with details...

                "Last night was... shall we say... satisfying?" smirked Hilde.

                Noin snorted.  "Slept like a log?"  They laughed companionably as they sat around Sally Po's spacious living room.

                "Honestly though, I wish Quatre would just loosen up a bit.  Sometimes... sometimes it's like sleeping with a fish."

                The group gasped collectively.  "Oh, Cathy, you don't mean that...  Do you?" Dorothy inquired, her unique eyebrows arching in surprise.

                Catherine Winner sighed.  "Ugh, just, I wish he'd, ya know, do _other_ things."

                "Oh, I don't think I wanna hear this," giggled Relena from her end of the sofa.

                "Hey, if you need to borrow some cuffs..." Hilde began with a smile.  A pillow hit her in the face.

                "I just want to do something different, not extreme, Hilde."

                "Oh, I don't know," Noin commented, "It's not really that extreme.  Bondage isn't _that_ strange," 

                Relena's eyes grew.  "You're kidding.  My brother?  _My_ brother?  Oh, I don't think I can handle this."

                "Well, now you know how I felt when we were enlightened on the subject of Trowa's abnormally large—how shall we say? — Package?" Catherine replied with a look towards Dorothy.

                The blonde smiled.  "Hey, the women of the table deserve to know."

                "Ok, Cathy, so if not the missionary, then what?" Sally asked.  "Actually, make that a question for the general public."

                "For us or them?" asked Hilde.

                Sally considered.  "Both."

                Hilde laughed.  "Me: I believe we covered this when the whip came up.  Him: I believe we covered this when the whip came up."

                "Oh my god!" laughed Relena.  "Duo's into that?  _That_ into that?  Next time, you _need_ to take pictures!  I think I'd pay money for those."  Dorothy and Catherine both expressed like sentiments.  "I think I'll regret asking this but, what about you, Noin?"

                "Well, I guess for me, it'd be me on top; him," she paused with the faintest blush, "on all fours."

                A chorus of 'ooh's and 'ahh's errupted.  "_My_ brother," Relena gasped in amazement.

                "Quatre's definitely a missionary man," Catherine giggled and leaned forward, "but I think I'd have to agree with Zechs on this one; it's all about puppy love!"  Pillows bombarded her.

                "So, how about Mr. Perfect Soldier?" asked Dorothy.

                "Well, I don't even think I've figured that out yet.  We tend to vary.  I know he likes it in the shower, water's very erotic and all that, but I don't know about position yet.  As for me," Relena said with flourish, "I think I favor being topside, like Noin."  Relena was the last of the group to break the barrier (oops, watch out for the pun!) considering she and Heero had only _just _found each other (due largely in part to the nudging of certain friends, mind you).  "And you, Dorothy?"  Heads swiveled to face the woman who had captured the ever-elusive Trowa Barton.

                The blond looked thoughtful.  "Well, we all know about the little games, but I bet you never guessed that I'd let him tie me up."

                "What?!" Hilde and Catherine cried together.

                "My brother is a bondage boy?!" Catherine shouted.

                "Hey!  That's always been _my_ thing!" Hilde wailed in concern.

                "Not the same," Dorothy replied to Hilde.  "I've never tied him up before.  I prefer to be ravaged."

                Sally and Relena struggled to keep their mouths closed from all the input.  Sally shook her head.  "I'm beginning to see a completely new side to you, Dorothy."

                "As for him, I'd say he likes to be, um, blown.  I apparently have a very good technique," she smirked.

                "Oh my," Relena said with a devious smile, "Looks like we've got a blow-job guru in our midst, girls."

                "I definitely need tips," Catherine commented.

                "You know the most important thing-"

                "What about you, Sally?" Noin interrupted tactfully.

                "Believe it or not, I prefer the missionary.  No, seriously; don't roll your eyes, Cathy!"

                The new Mrs. Winner only laughed.  "I'm sorry, just, when it's the same thing every night, it gets boring," Cathy said as she flopped back onto the couch.

                "So Sally, you must get enough of what you want then, right?  Wufei's gotta like the control of the missionary," Noin speculated.

                Sally was blushing.

                "Spill," Dorothy advised, while arching an evil eyebrow.

                Sally blushed mightily and lowered her gaze to the table as the corners of her mouth turned up.  "Well, contrary to popular belief, Wufei is definitely _not_ a missionary man."  The girls gasped.  "He likes being on the bottom... and watching..."

                "Watching what?  How come I feel there's something ultra-kinky hidden in there somewhere?" Hilde said.

                "He likes to watch as I... um... touch myself."

                The room erupted.  "I can't believe it!  I'd never think _he_'d be kinky!"

                "No way!  He's such a prude!  Onna this, onna that!"

                "That's too much!  Unbelievable!"

                "I think we need proof."

                "Incredible.  To think, Wufei actually beats Quatre on the kink-o-meter?" laughed Hilde holding her side.

                "Well, is it any good?" asked Noin.

                Sally gave her a look.  "It's good.  It's really good.  But, God, sometimes it can be a little embarrassing."

                "What?" Noin asked behind a grin.  "What do you mean?"

                "Every time; it's like he's just staring at me.  It's not like he's smiling and writhing in pleasure; he's just under me, looking hot and horny.  No comments, no compliments-"

                "You sound like a hooker," Hilde commented bluntly.  She ate a barrage of pillows.

                "Well, it sounds like you're turning him on, but he's not really getting much from it.  I'm telling you, a good blow will do wonders for a healthy male libido," said Dorothy with her usual flair of total confidence.

                "By the way Dorothy, what's the best way to do it anyhow?  I've heard that-"

                "Focus," Noin said, interrupting Catherine mid-sentence.

                "Still," Hilde said addressing Sally, "you definitely sound like the most satisfied out of all of us."

                "Oh, I don't know about that," drawled Sally, throwing her look towards Relena.

                The princess blushed and leaned away from the circle.  "Oh, no.  We're not starting up with that again, are we?"

                "How many times within the last three days?" asked Hilde critically.

                Relena looked contrite.  "Um, five, maybe six..."

                "Truth!" Dorothy demanded.

                With her head hanging, she responded, "Eleven."

                "Eleven orgasms in the past three days?  Must be beginner's luck," sighed Sally.

                "Wait, we're talking about number of orgasms?  Not sessions?"

                The group nearly fell over.  "Are you kidding me?"

                "Eleven?" shouted Noin.  "How is that even possible?  Milliardo and I watch you every second of the day!"

                "Obviously not," mumbled Hilde.

                "Hm, and it's not beginner's luck; they've been at it (like bunnies, might I add) for a good few months now," Catherine added.

                "Is that even humanly possible?  I mean, that pace has to be... depleting, you know?  Shouldn't he be hanging empty by now?"

                "Oh please, Dorothy," Relena said with a roll of the eyes.

                "Well, he's hardly a normal human," Sally replied.  "After all, if you compare the numbers here in our group with the average Joe on the street, you'd see a massive difference.  Consider yourselves lucky, my friends.  And in your case, Relena, ultra-lucky."

                "Ultra-horny, you could say," Hilde said.

                "Like you should talk, Miss Take-Five-Hours," Relena retorted.

                Catherine and Noin nodded.  "How do you two do that anyways?"

                "It's a system of teasing and harassment.  Rather invigorating."

                "Ok, so we now know that Dorothy's got a special way with the blow, and Hilde is Queen of Suspense; what about the rest of you?" asked Noin.

                "What about _you_?" Hilde contested.

                "Me?  Oh, hm..." Noin replied undaunted.  "I guess that would be the noise."

                "What?" Relena asked, not comprehending.

                Noin smirked then cleared her throat.  Then she threw her head back and began to moan: "Uh!  Ooooh, ummmmm.....  Yes!  Feels so good!!  Yes!  There, there, yes!  Oh!  Uh!  Ooooowwwwoooohhhh...  Get the picture?"

                "Great display, great display!" Dorothy nodded after giving Noin a pat on the back while the rest of the girls applauded.  "Ok, now, Catherine, dear sister-in-law-to-be, what about you?"

                "It _would_ be my flexibility, if it were ever put to use!" she cried in despair.  "I can do a million different positions but he only goes for the classic.  What a waste!"

                With a sigh, Relena patted her shoulder.  "I think I could use a bit of your elasticity, Catherine."

                "Eh?  So what about you, Relena?"

                "Apparently, my kiss is incomparable."

                "Oo, suck face.  What fun!" giggled Catherine as she wiggled her tongue about in the air.  She found herself under a pile of pillows yet again.

                "I remember hearing something about that," mused Dorothy.

                "What?" Relena asked, obviously shocked.

                "Oh, I just happened to hear a snatch of conversation between Heero and Trowa."

                "Really?  Oh.  What did he say?"

                Dorothy shook her head.  "I think Heero wouldn't have said anything to Trowa if he'd known I was under the bed, but I believe it was something to the extent of 'Every time she kisses me it's like she's saying 'I love you.'  Makes me horny as hell.'  Something like that."  The girls giggled.

                "I'm guessing this is before you and Trowa made your relationship public?  Hence your being under the bed?" guessed Noin.

                "Correct."

                "So, what about you, Sally?"

                Suddenly, the blonde doctor was blushing like mad.

                "Oh, I feel a good one here," said Hilde as they all scooted closer.

                "Oh, this is so embarrassing," whimpered Sally.

                "What?!" the girls cried in perfect synchronization.

                "Okay, fine, but no laughing."

                "What?" they all urged.

                With a sigh of resignation, Sally responded, "I can self-induce an orgasm."

                Silence.

                "What?"

                "I can make myself orgasm without any type of stimulation other than... um... my own imagination, shall we say."

                "What?!  That's impossible," said Noin.  "You have to have some sort of physical stimulation.  Do you rub your legs together?  Because that doesn't count."

                "No, I swear.  I don't do anything.  I just sit there.  It's a very, very, very rare... gift, I guess."

                "Oh, I've heard of that!" Catherine laughed excitedly.  "It's, like, a one in a million talent!  Is it fun?  Do you do it often?  Do you ever do it in public?  Oh my god, have you ever done it in front of us?!"

                Sally was turning red at a dangerous pace.  "Only once," she squeaked.  The girls went hysterical, demanding details.  With a resigned sigh, she said, "Remember that function in Moscow, oh, about eight months ago?"  They nodded.  "It was halfway through the fifth or so speaker and Wufei was sitting next to me..."  The girls giggled.  "Well, we still had over three hours in there so I just... decided to pass the time."  Hilde nearly fell off of the sofa.

                Dorothy looked on thoughtfully, "We twiddle our thumbs while she induces orgasms; so unfair."

                "No wonder!" Noin laughed, "That's why you suddenly started huffing and turning all red!"

                "It's difficult to stay quiet during an orgasm!" Sally cried in defense.

                "Wait," Relena interrupted, "So, Wufei likes to watch you?  What else does he like to watch?"

                Red, very red.  Sally gave an exasperated sigh.  "Ok, ok.  Yes, ok.  It turns him on."  The room burst into peals of excited laughter.

                "I wanna see it!" Noin shouted suddenly.

                "What?!" Sally cried, clutching her hot face in complete embarrassment.  Of course, despite her numerous refusals, the girls succeeded in bullying out a performance...

                "Oh my god," Dorothy sighed in jealousy.  "That was amazing."

                "I'm completely breathless.  Was it good for you, too?" asked Catherine, still fanning herself.

                "Oh yeah," Noin responded.  She leaned back into the padding of the couch and crossed her legs modestly.

                "Are you _sure_ I can't teach myself to do it?" Hilde whined.

                "Where's Sally going?" asked Catherine as she lay back and closed her eyes.

                "She's gonna use the shower.  And Cathy, I don't think you can do it, so please, if you're going to end up masturbating, don't do it on Sally's couch; I don't think she'd appreciate that."

                Cathy groaned and swung her legs off the couch so that Relena could sit down.  "It's not fair!  I have to be the sickest one out of all of us and I'm being seriously _under_used!"

                "Whoa, whoa, whoa," Hilde suddenly declared sitting up straight and glaring over at her friend.  "I'm sorry, say that again?  _Who_'s the sickest?"

                "Yes, please, I beg to differ!" Dorothy cried.

                "What?!"

                And so the night went on for some many more hours, as all good gossip bashes should.

                That night, as Relena was finishing her night's ton of paperwork, she happened upon a book she had purchased a while back.  It had lain dormant under mountains of files and folders for some time now.  Taking it out and brushing it off, she began to flip through it.  Suddenly, her eyes bugged out and her lips quivered mischievously for a moment before breaking out into a full-fledged evil grin.  As wicked plans went rolling about in her head, she could only put one hand up to her mouth to keep herself from laughing.

                The next day at Preventers' main office complex, Hilde was heading back to her room when suddenly she heard a 'psssst' behind her.  Twirling, she found Noin poking her head out from behind the door to one of the conference rooms.

                "Get in here!" the older woman hissed.

                Hilde blinked brightly.  "What's going on?" she managed to ask as Noin snatched up her arm and reeled her into the room.  "What's-"

                "Oh my god!" Catherine was snickering.  She sat at the room's conference table with Relena and Dorothy.  "You're absolutely diabolical!" she practically cackled.

                "Oh, I feel a scheme in the air," Hilde smirked as she and Noin went to join the other three.  "Where's Sally?"

                At the mention of her name, Catherine burst into uncontrollable laughter once again.  "Totally diabolical, Relena!"

                Dorothy was nodding enthusiastically, "I must say, Relena, I am impressed!"

                "Whoa.  If Dorothy's bowing to Relena, this has got to be good."

                "Oh, yes, it is," Noin confirmed.

                "Spill," Hilde ordered.

                Relena's eyes virtually shone with mischief.  "Ok, here it is: We hypnotize Sally to make her self-induce an orgasm every time Wufei says her name."

                Hilde's eyes bugged out and her mouth dropped open.  "Oh!  Evil!"  She was grinning wildly, infected by the promise of mischief, "But wait!  How are we gonna do that?"

                Suddenly, Relena was brandishing a black and white book titled _Hypnotizing For Morons!_  The princess giggled a bit then said in a serious tone, "I tried to use it on Heero one time a while back.  It's not guaranteed that Sally'll be hypnotizable though.  It works on about one out of five people.  Oh, and as a side note, it doesn't work on former Gundam pilots.  Found _that _out the hard way."

                "Eh, figures.  Come on.  They're _them_," Catherine declared with a shrug then brushed it all off and continued on: "So, one in five?  It's still worth a shot.  Can't you just imagine it?  Every time he says her name!"

                Hilde snorted.  "Great, then we'll never get to see it."

                "So, when are we gonna try it out?" Dorothy pushed as she stood up, "I've got a meeting in ten minutes."

                "Tonight," Relena said with a sneaky smile.  "My place at eight."

                Hilde smirked and opened the door to the rest of the world.  "Let the games begin."

                Sally took a slow sip from her wine glass and smiled.  "Are you sure we're not cutting into your sex time, Relena?  We _all_ know how Heero can get."

                "Yes we do," came the round of replies.

                Relena rolled her eyes in good humor.  "He's not here," she replied evenly, "just like the other guys, or is Wufei so bad that you didn't notice?"

                Sally smiled.  "Well, I just figured you and Heero might want to place some calls for, you know, phone sex, since you two can't seem to get through a day with out three or four orgasms."

                Relena returned the grin.  "Phone sex?  You must be familiar with that, after all, Wufei does love to watch, am I right?"

                "Touché," Sally laughed.

                Dorothy shook her head.  "Play nice, girls."

                After a lovely dinner ornamented with a rather _hot_ discussion, it was time for business.  Of course, Sally didn't know that...  Rising from her seat, Relena announced, "Ok, let's go to the sitting room.  I want to try something."  Sally looked about to protest but the girls grabbed her arms and nearly dragged her to the desired destination.

                "So what is this thing you want to try?" Sally asked.

                "Hypnosis," Relena answered, once again brandishing her book.

                "Are you kidding?" Sally said with a laugh.

                "Come on, let's just try it," Relena insisted.

                "It'll be fun," Dorothy said a bit too forcefully prompting Hilde to poke her in the ribs.

                "Ok, just sit down and get comfortable," Relena directed.  Having already told the other girls that they had to play along just so Sally wouldn't get suspicious, she began to read through the instructions, coaxing them into trance-like states and speaking in a calming and authoritative voice.  At last, she looked up from her book to check on Sally.

                "It worked," she whispered to the other girls.  "Look at her, she's totally out of it.  She can't even tell that I'm talking about her!  Guys, check it out!  Guys!  Guys?"  Looking up at the other girls, she choked on a laugh.  All five of them were sitting there, looking like zombies, very pliable zombies.  "Five out of five, what are the odds of _that_ happening?"  Relena sat there for a while trying to decide what to do.  After a few moments, she began to giggle.  "Oh my god, I really _am _bad," she said to herself as she moved closer to speak to Sally.

                After a good half hour, Relena smiled at her handiwork.  She sat back in her spot and said firmly, "I am going to count backwards from ten to one.  When I reach the number one, you will wake up and forget about any plans we had that concerned hypnosis.  Instead," she said having suddenly been hit by a wave of inspiration, "you will think that I have just told a very funny, funny joke.  Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one."

                The five girls slowly opened their eyes and simultaneously burst out laughing.  Relena smiled to herself.  This was going to be loads of fun.

                The next morning, the girls set out in a private jet for San Francisco, the site of the latest conference.  Whatever.  What mattered was that they'd be staying at a five-star hotel, which always included penthouse suites, free room service, and Jacuzzis.  (Does anyone else have an impious grin on her face, or is that just me?  Just me?  Ok.)  In San Francisco, they met up with the boys at the aforementioned grand hotel.  That's when the fun started.

                Relena had watched her friends carefully all throughout their flight, but nothing too unusual happened.  They were all nursing slight hangovers and were thus mostly sleeping soundly on the luxury plane, although Noin did complain about the heat when the cute pilot greeted them before they set out.

                Now, as they lounged around in the hotel's lobby waiting for their men, Relena was starting to get bored.  Just as she was about to suggest they go ahead upstairs, someone called out behind them, "Babe, how can you be sleeping?  Don't you miss me?"  Turning, Relena watched as Hilde flew out of her slumber, out of her seat, and bounded across the lobby to launch herself into Duo's outstretched arms.  Relena's eyes brightened and she kept her eyes on her friends as the boys walked through the hotel doors dripping with testosterone.

                "Hi," Heero said simply as he nuzzled her neck affectionately.

                "Hi," she smiled, feeling slightly guilty for keeping her eyes trained on her friends instead of focusing her attentions on the man who had just come back from a potentially life-threatening mission.  When Heero began to drop soft kisses along her cheek, she suddenly burst out laughing, burying her face into his shoulder to keep from chuckling too loudly.  Heero stood there patiently waiting for an explanation as she continued to giggle and apologize profusely.

                What had set her off?  Well, as the boys strode gallantly into the room, Relena had kept her eyes on her sister-in-law.  The moment they first entered the building, Noin began to pull at her collar.  She was looking obviously uncomfortable as the pilots appeared, but when her husband strode through the doors, Noin actually began to undo the top buttons of her blouse.  As she spoke to her husband, she kept complaining about how damned hot it was.  Relena found it all hilarious.  As was the meeting and greeting between Catherine and her husband.

                When Quatre picked his wife up and spun her around lovingly, he expected to hear something like, "I missed you, honey," or "I'm glad you're safe," or even a, "Why are you late?"

                Instead, she kissed him and said clearly, "It'd be so nice if you strode through the door, pushed me up against the wall and made love to me without so much as a 'hello'."

                Blinking in complete amazement, he managed to croak out a, "What?!"

                But she only blinked rapidly, as if clearing her mind and smiled sweetly, "What was _what_?"  He gulped.

                Dorothy, who happened to be standing close enough to hear Catherine's little comment, suddenly dashed over, grabbed Trowa's hand before he even made it halfway across the length of the room, and dragged him towards the elevators.

                Watching the pair fly into the lift, Wufei only raised a brow and continued over to "his woman."  "Hi," he said simply.

                "Hi," Sally smiled before giving him a sweet kiss.

                All of a sudden, they all heard Hilde laugh and say, "Oh, remember that time we had sex in the bathroom on that plane?"

                Through all this, Relena was laughing so hard that she had to smother her face into Heero's chest (not entirely a bad thing) to keep from filling the room with her peals of laughter.  As for Heero, he remained very stoic and silent throughout the entire ordeal.

                At lunch, the group gathered together at the hotel restaurant.  Trowa and Dorothy arrived last, the former looking thoroughly satiated, and the latter looking entirely too smug.

                As their waiter passed around menus, the girls watched him while Noin removed her jacket.

                "Are you sure you're not coming down with anything?" Zechs asked her.  Staring up into his eyes, Noin shook her head and undid the first few buttons on her blouse—again.

                As they waited to be served, Relena turned to Wufei and asked, "Wufei, the last mission you were on, you went to the Philippines, right?"  He nodded.  "Who was your partner for that?" she asked innocently.  He jerked his head towards the woman sitting next to him without saying a word.  Relena forced a smile.  "I'm sorry, who?"

                Sally sat up and looked down the length of the table at her friend.  "I did, remember?  I told you all about it."  She then began to talk about the past mission, the weather, etc, etc, as Relena frowned and went back to making evil plans.

                They made it through most of the meal without any incidents until Hilde suddenly giggled and said aloud, "Remember when you let me lick chocolate mousse off of you?"  It was the first time they ever saw Duo blush that red.

                While Duo stammered with a response, any response, Dorothy clamped a hand onto Trowa's wrist.  They abruptly excused themselves and headed for the elevators.  Heero watched as Relena struggled with her smiles.

                As they retired for the night, Heero reclined on the king sized bed and pinned his lover with an unwavering stare.  "Alright.  Talk.  What's going on?"

                Relena paused for a moment, then continued to strip off her dress.  "What are you talking about?"

                From the bed she heard Heero give a derisive snort.  "Noin is chronically hot despite the fact that the temperature in the hotel is monitored.  Throughout the course of the day, we've learned that Duo and Hilde have had sex in more places than _we_ have.  Catherine keeps sprouting out kinky fantasies and Dorothy and Trowa keep disappearing every five minutes."

                Relena shrugged and pulled her nightgown on.  "Really?  I hadn't noticed."  When no further comments were made, she turned to face him only to find herself on the receiving end of the "I can't believe you just lied to me" look.  Sighing, she pulled a brush through her hair.  "Ok, I give."  After a moment's thought, she spun around and smiled at him.  "I'm glad I have to tell you now, actually.  I really need someone to share with; it's really good," she gushed.

                Heero shrugged and closed his eyes.  "You don't _have_ to tell me anything."

                Relena finished with the brush and dropped it onto the dresser before sauntering over to the bed with a playful smirk on her lips.  "Oh don't go getting all pouty, Heero."

                "I do _not_ pout," was the terse reply.

                She put her hands on her hips.  "Do you want to hear it or don't you?"

                He shrugged indifferently without opening an eye.  She hopped up onto the bed and straddled his hips.  _That _opened his eyes.  She was smiling giddily down at him, her gaze full of naughtiness as she proclaimed proudly: "I hypnotized them!"

                The next morning, Heero was down at the restaurant having breakfast.  Relena was still sleeping and he didn't blame her; they had had a rather _wild_ night.  Looking up from his laptop, he noticed Noin strutting into the room, looking irritable and angry.  He could guess why.  With a sudden flash of pseudo-playfulness, he waved a hand and beckoned her to join him.  After stopping at the service table, she sat down across from him, sipping on a glass of orange juice.

                "Good morning," she greeted.

                "Good morning," he returned, watching her all the while.

                She set the glass down and looked over at him.  She frowned suddenly and began to pull up the sleeves of her shirt.  "Jeez, it's so hot in this place.  Can't they do something about the temperature in here?"

                Feeling very pleased with himself, Heero didn't notice that Sally and Wufei had come downstairs until they seated themselves at the table.  Wanting to wait for Relena but being overly curious himself, Heero couldn't help turning to the Chinese man and asking, "You're never at your apartment anymore.  Where have you been staying?"

                There was a brief pause before the man responded cautiously, "At her place, where else?"

                "Who's place?" Heero pushed, looking away so that the other man would have to say the name instead of resorting to pointing, as he usually did.

                He heard Wufei make an amused sort of noise.  "It's not _that_ early, Yuy," he said with a laugh.

                "Oh my god, it is _so hot_ in here," Noin complained.

                Heero leaned back in his chair wondering if Wufei actually took pains to avoid saying his partner's name or if he really _was_ that much of a macho jerk.

                The conference started at eleven and ended at three having won the title of most boring assembly ever in the history of life on earth, at least that was Relena's impression.  She did however enjoy the way Noin kept fidgeting and downing glass after glass of ice water; she was the first one out of the room as the conference ended, making a beeline straight for the ladies' restroom.

                As the group of friends headed down the stairs, Catherine suddenly declared, "Wouldn't it be nice if we got some handcuffs and played some bondage games all night?"  Relena and Heero whipped their heads around just in time to see Quatre quickly retract his hand from his wife's lower half.  As if it was her cue, Dorothy suddenly announced that she and Trowa had some business they needed to attend to.  Flying down the stairs and then disappearing out of sight, they missed Hilde's comment on how she and Duo had once made out in an elevator for four hours.

                Heero gave a cough as Relena bit down on her lip.

                "Oh my god."  The hushed declaration was followed by a string of grunts and moans.  "Oh fuck!"  In the darkness of the maintenance closet, wet sounds were accompanied by praises to the heavens and mumbled phrases of appreciation.

                Digging a hand into Dorothy's hair, Trowa snapped his head back into the wall behind him.  He failed to register any pain however as sparks of sexual release ran up his groin to the base of his neck and shoulders, then exploded across his vision like fireworks that spelled out just what a lucky man he was.  Swallowing and moaning and thanking the woman below him, he felt her fingers tickle him lightly at the base of his penis, sending violent flashes shooting up his spine.  He shivered in pleasure as she kissed him, the taste of him still lingering in her mouth.

                "We'd better be getting back to the hotel.  They're probably waiting for us," Dorothy said casually as she licked her lips.  Unable to move, really, he let her fix him up, then followed her out the door on legs that still felt like rubber.

                That evening, while the girls were out shopping as was stereotypically expected of them, Zechs, Duo and Heero had a little discussion down at the bar.

                "Noin keeps... staring at me... like I'm a piece of meat or something," Zechs noted.  "It's a bit disheartening."  Heero brought his glass up to his lips to keep from smirking.  "And I really think she's coming down with something.  She's sort of hot to the touch and she's been acting strangely.  Today in the room, she practically stripped right out of her clothes.  It was only three and the blinds were up!  I think she's starting to lose it."  Heero choked on his drink.

                "Yeah, something is definitely up," Duo confirmed.  "Hilde keeps bringing up stuff that we did before, like the elevator thing and the mousse."

                "Nice touch, by the way," Zechs commented.

                "Thanks."

                "So she's being nostalgic, so what?" Heero asked, playing devil's advocate.

                Duo shook his head.  "Last night, every time I touched her she'd be all, 'Oh, remember when we did this?' or 'Oo, remember when you let me do that?'  And she just kept going.  Even after-"

                Duo stopped mid-sentence and abruptly clamped his jaw shut looking terribly embarrassed.

                "What?" Zechs asked.

                Duo shook his head, "Eh, nothing."

                "What?" Zechs and Heero insisted.

                With a sigh, Duo answered, "She kept saying all this stuff about the other times, so I started to think maybe she was trying to tell me something.  She kept talking and I just kept thinking about it...  I got so worried that... I... I couldn't do it, ok?  I got too nervous."  Zechs and Heero burst out laughing, which was scary enough in and of itself.  "It's not funny!" Duo protested.  "I've _never _been unable to do it!  Never!"  His only response was more laughter.

                That night, as Relena climbed into bed with him, Heero related the conversation he had had with Duo and her brother, laughing again when he mentioned Duo's little problem.

                Relena pulled the blankets around them as she slipped into his arms.  "Hilde's got a pretty dirty mind," she said.  "I mean, we always knew it, but now we have proof."

                Nodding, Heero added, "I think maybe you should take this little spell you have going off of Noin."  Relena pouted.  "She's starting to get feverish, Relena."

                Pouting still, she sighed and rolled her eyes.  "Fine, I'll _de_-hypnotize her tomorrow, alright, Mr. Conscience?"  There was a pause and then she gasped.  "Oh, Mr. _Horny _Conscience, excuse me," she amended with a giggle as he slid a hand up the warm flesh of her inner thigh.

                "Well, what with all of Catherine's sexual fantasies and Hilde's revealing history, you can't really blame a guy, can you?"

                Relena laughed out loud as he tickled her and mouthed her neck.  "No, I suppose you can't!" she laughed.  As he pulled her gown up over her head in one insanely efficient movement, she asked, "So, have you seen Sally do it yet?"

                Heero shook his head as he slid a hand over the smooth skin of her abdomen.  "No.  You're right; it _is_ incredible how Wufei manages to get by without ever saying her name.

                "I'm not de-hypnotizing Sally until he does.  You really have to see it.  It's amazing."

                At that Heero's head came up, his face showing shocked disbelief.  "You've seen it?"

                Relena put on her cocky, hentai smirk.  "That's right.  All of us girls have.  In fact, she did do it once in front of all of us."  Heero looked skeptical.  "Remember Moscow?"

                He blinked.  "Seriously?"  She nodded.  "You knew about it then?" he asked.

                "No, but we got a special showing a couple of days ago.  Aren't we special?"

                "Especially dirty, yes."

                "Ah, but I know you like it," she said suddenly, rolling on top of him to take the dominant position.  "It turns you on, am I right?"

                "You're in a mood again, aren't you," he asked without asking; it came out more like an accusation and she began to pout again.

                "Play along, Heero."  He sighed melodramatically.  She began to giggle again.  "Um hm, sure.  Men, you're so easy to read."  She wiggled her hips about.  "I think _that_ says it all, am I right?"

                He frowned as she teased his erection.  "Not fair."

                She silenced him by leaning over to bless him with one of those immaculate kisses that he was addicted to, when suddenly something banged noisily into the other side of the wall behind them.

                "That's Hilde and Duo's room, right?" Relena asked as they both turned their heads up to stare at the wall as if it might suddenly turn into a window.  Heero only grunted in affirmation.

                The crash was followed by a series of fast paced thumps and knocks that seemed to go on for forever.  "We don't call her the Queen of Suspense for nothing," Relena mumbled in amazement.

                Heero nodded, "Duo mentioned something about that."

                Relena's eyes flew open.  "What?  You guys actually talk about-"

                Her question was cutoff as the thumping got louder and faster.  Relena swallowed audibly and Heero cleared his throat.  Abruptly, through the walls, they heard Hilde scream, "Remember when we did it in the trunk of Trowa's car?!!!"  As the listeners balked at the new input, their eyes flying open, they heard Duo scream back, "YES!!"  The thumping reached its peak and suddenly, there was a simultaneous cry followed by much panting and gasping and super-erotic post-release groaning.

                Relena, now feeling flushed and rather hot herself, looked down at the man below her and lowered her lips to kiss him, when suddenly she lifted her head and said in a tone of voice that couldn't seem to decide between awe and disgust: "Oh my god, they're still going!"  Together, Heero and Relena listened to the thumping continue, albeit more softly and at a much slower pace.

                Heero swallowed.  "That's impressive."

                Now they heard some murmuring from the other side of the wall; presumably the two on the other side were telling each other how much they loved one another and how _that_ was "the best sex they had ever had," as was customary after every romp.

                "I guess he got over his problem," Relena noted.

                "It would seem so."

                They sat in silence listening to the erotic sounds coming from the other couple.

                Ten minutes later: "I can't believe they're still going."

                Heero nodded.  "That's _very_ impressive."

                The next morning, Sally rolled out of bed after a primarily sleepless night.  Dropping a kiss on Wufei's cheek, she bit back a yawn and strolled over to the bathroom.  Blushing a bit as she remembered the events of the night before, she paused and listened for any noises coming from the other room.  Hilde and Duo had been at it for most of the night, alternating walls as far as she could tell; she guessed they had finally collapsed from exhaustion some time in the wee hours of the morning.

                From the bed, Wufei rolled over and lifted his head.  "Where are you going?" he asked, sounding only half awake.

                "Bath," Sally answered.  "Wanna join me?" she asked in her best seductive voice.  She laughed when he dropped his head and rolled over.  "Glad to know I'm not _too_ much of a temptation."

                When she was comfortably settled in the tub, she sighed as the steaming water seeped into her pores and her muscles and straight to her bones.  Playing with the bubbles, she thought back to the night before.  Due much in part to the audio show that Hilde and Duo had provided, Wufei had gotten a little raunchy which had led to some heated sex of their own.  (My god, who _didn't get laid last night?)  It had been an intense bout; in fact she was still a bit sore, hence the morning bath.  She couldn't put her finger on it, but something had been different.  It hadn't been bad, she felt wonderful, but she was exhausted.  She felt as if she had been at it all night, which wasn't __exactly true.  She snickered to herself; Hilde would probably be sleepwalking through most of the day._

                Half an hour later, she heard Wufei finally rouse himself and tumble gracefully out of bed.  "Are you still in the bath, Sally?" she heard him call out.

                Wufei rubbed at his eyes as he sat on the edge of the bed.  He was tired but refreshed from a satisfying night.  He heard a moan and he shook his head.  How could those two still be at it?  However, the second moan, which he registered as being much closer, woke him up and sent him padding over to the bathroom door.  It stood slightly ajar and he peeked through the space asking, "Sally, are you alright?"  The cry of response she gave him made him glad he was naked and – ahem – unconfined.  He pushed the door open and watched as Sally closed her eyes, bit her lip and made those little sounds that always signaled her release soon to come.

                Sally nearly blacked out.  Calming her nerves, which were standing painfully on end, she tried to remember where she was.  "Scoot over," a voice called out to her through the haze.  Looking up she watched as Wufei lowered himself into the now lukewarm water.  She noticed in surprise that he had his look on, the "I am a fierce sexual tiger" look.  Pleased, she reached for him.

                Hissing at her gentle touch, he smiled and pulled her into his arms, "You know I can't stand not touching you when you do that, Sally."

                She whispered a tortured kind of, "What?" before she began to shiver and her eyes took on that hooded, glazed-over look.  He watched with amazement as her breath caught between her lips and she began to shiver from that mysterious pleasure.  She released a strangled, "Oooohhh," before collapsing in his arms glowing with contentment.

                When he thought she had settled down, he made the mistake of inquiring if she was alright: "Sally, are you-"  He yelped when she cried out and dug her nails into his thigh.

                In yet another room that housed yet another couple, Noin was about ready to kill something.  She couldn't keep her eyes off of her husband because it was just too damned hot, and that irritating heat had begun to make her hot in other ways.  Unfortunately, while nearly everyone else in the hotel seemed to be having sex, this particular couple had been unable.  And by unable, I do mean _unable_.

                Feeling hot and bothered, Noin had persuaded Zechs to join her in the bedroom despite his protests that she wasn't feeling well and should thereby get as much rest as possible.  Having used her charms as well as a fair amount of intimidation to convince her husband that she was _not_ sick, they proceeded with the kinky foreplay as only this particular couple could.  And that was about as far as they got.

                Later, Zechs would have this to say about the uneventful night: "I don't know what was going on but I was going up and down all night, like she was playing elevator or something."

                Indeed, the night was very much stop and go.  Every time they would get close to consummating anything, she would get hit by this blinding heat wave that left her panting and burning and close to passing out.  She apologized profusely, but eventually they had to call it quits.  He then ordered her to get back into bed and rest while he strode off to the bathroom so he could whack off.

                So in the morning, before heading downstairs for breakfast, Noin, with that determined look on her face, stomped out of her room and headed next door to see if Sally would take a look at her.  What if she was going through premature menopause?!  Dear God!

                She stared at the door and waited but when no one came to the door in the allotted five seconds, (her temper had gotten quite short, nearly non-existent really) she began to bang on the door, scowling all the while.

                Though Sally and Wufei pointedly ignored the pounding (they were busy, after all) Relena and Heero, who had chosen that precise moment to make their way downstairs, entered the hall just before Noin got ready to bust the door down on her own (and you know she could).

                "Noin!" Relena cried out in shock, stopping the woman mid-knock.

                Turning, Noin saw her sister-in-law and her well-muscled boyfriend coming towards her.  Growling way down in the back of her throat, she began to pull at her collar.

                Seeing her movements, Heero started to chuckle, prompting Relena to give him a backhanded smack to the chest and a glare of warning.  Smothering his laughter, they approached the heated older woman.

                "Alright, Noin," the Peacecraft Princess said in a soothing voice.  "Why don't you come with me," she said taking Noin's arm and leading her like a child (or a vicious psychotic) back down the hall.  Relena opened the door to her and Heero's room and ushered the older woman in with a glance towards her boyfriend who was mouthing the words 'She thinks I'm HOT' with a smug look on his face.  Relena glared at him and shut the door behind her.

                Left to his own devices, Heero was trying to decide what he should do next.  On one hand, he could wait for Relena to reappear with a de-hypnotized Noin, if only to see the expression on the older woman's face when she saw him again, finally aware of her behavior as of late.  On the other hand, he could go on ahead to breakfast and fill his empty stomach.  While he debated his choices, however, one extremely smug Duo Maxwell slipped out of his hotel room, clicking the door shut quietly behind him.  Heero watched his friend lean up against the frame of the door for a second smiling a goofy smile and chuckling silently.

                "I heard you had a good night," Heero remarked dryly.

                Duo turned, noticing his friend for the first time.  Unable to wipe the smile off his face, he replied with a simple, fully-laden, "Yup."

                "That had to be some kind of record."

                Duo shook his head, still smirking.  "Nah, you should have seen us the night we moved into our place together.  Now _that_ night lasted, oh about-"

                "Spare me the details, Duo.  And wipe that goddamned smirk off your face."

                "Like you should talk.  What the hell do you do to her to make her scream, "Oh I'm gonna die!"?  I mean, I know your relationship never really had a normal start, but-"

                Heero cut him off, "What are you talking about?  Relena never says anything that coherent during sex."

                Duo shrugged.  "Eh, must have been the other room then.  Who's in there again?"

                Before Heero had time to respond, the two men turned to face Heero and Relena's hotel room as they heard someone scream, "Oh my god, you _didn't_!!!"

                "What's that all about?" asked Duo, his face sporting a look of sincere concern.  When he made a start for the room, Heero grabbed his arm and shook his head.

                As Duo began to protest, Noin and Relena reemerged, Relena looking contrite and Noin looking embarrassed and angry.  Heero wore a blatantly amused look on his face, which forced a heavy blush across Noin's cheeks.  She cleared her throat purposefully before politely excusing herself, glaring potently at Relena as she left.

                "What was that all about?" asked Duo, looking particularly lost.

                Relena shook her head innocently.  "Nothing.  Shouldn't you go get Hilde up for breakfast?"

                When he had returned to his room, Heero broke out into a full-fledged grin.  "So, how'd it go?"

                "She's a bit angry with me right now..." Relena drawled, "but she'll get over it when I tell her about the others."

                "Where's she going now?"

                "If you hadn't been able to have sex for two nights, what's the first thing you'd do?"

                "... and pour chocolate all over-"

                Quatre retracted his hand and slapped the other to his wife's potty mouth.  Catherine blinked at him and smiled sweetly before going back to enjoying her breakfast.

                He cleared his throat cautiously.  "Excuse me," he said to the table as he got up and headed for the bathroom.  He shook his head to clear it of any improper thoughts.  When inside the shelter of the men's restroom, he found he wasn't the only one hiding.

                Trowa was pacing back and forth before the single panel mirror looking worried and stressed.  (If Relena could have seen it, she would have thought it was hilarious.)  When his friend walked in, Trowa immediately went to him, grasping his shoulders.  He looked Quatre in the eye and said succinctly, "There's something wrong.  Dorothy's pulled me aside five times today to give me a blowjob—it's only nine thirty!  And I swear she's actually getting better!  It's killing me!"

                Quatre shrugged him off.  "Yeah?  Well your sister thinks it's pretty funny to sprout excerpts from sex novels in the middle of polite conversation.  I'm so hard-up my pants are leaving an imprint on my dick!"

                Trowa raised a worried brow.  Hearing Quatre call his penis a dick seemed strangely polluted somehow.  "What?" he asked at last.

                At that moment, the bathroom door burst open and Duo came storming in.  Heero followed behind him, but with much less weather.

                "I'm gonna hunt down the little prick that did it with her on the beach and shoot him full 'a holes," Duo seethed.

                "I thought _you_ were the one who did it with her on the beach," Quatre wondered out loud.  "And the elevator, and the plane, and Relena's mansion, and _my _mansion, and everywhere else.  Oh, and Trowa's car," he added as an afterthought, then smirked when Trowa's eyes bugged out.

                Duo was too wrapped up in his fuming to notice Trowa's twitching eye.  "No, no.  This is on some beach in France."

                "You've never been to France," Quatre said.

                "That's exactly _right_!" Duo cried out, twirling on him with a feral grin.  "Thus, it couldn't have been me.  _Thus_, I'm super, freakin' pissed!"

                "You think she cheated on you?" Quatre asked.

                Duo only shrugged.

                Heero shook his head and quickly exited the crowded bathroom.  When he returned to the table, Relena was busy trying to provoke Wufei into saying Sally's name, but the man was like stone and she was beginning to think he'd never say it.  She'd even tried making him read a note aloud, but he had shrugged that off by going to get himself another muffin.  The man was insufferable!  She was about to start throwing a hissy fit when Heero gently tapped her on the shoulder.  He leaned down and whispered something in her ear.

                "Oh dear," she said and nodded.  "I'll take care of it."  She folded up her napkin and set it down on the table.  "Hilde, can I talk to you for a second?  I need to tell you something."

                "Oh my GOD!  You _didn't_!!"  Hilde's eyes grew wide as she remembered all of her inadvertent confessions.  "You evil _bitch_," she said without malice.  "Eep!" she gasped.  "The France thing!"

                Relena nodded.  "Yeah, the France thing."

                "I'm gonna have to kill you later, you know that right?" she said, as she pushed open the bathroom door.

                "Of course," Relena replied reassuringly.  "But first-"

                "But first..."  Hilde stomped her way over to the men's bathroom and kicked the door open but did not enter.  "Duo?"

                "What?" was the angry reply.

                "Come out here."

                "No."

                "You're acting like a child."

                "So?  At least I didn't have sex with some random stranger in _France_!"

                "Grrrr.  Duo!  That was _way _before we even got together, so don't shit a brick, ok?  Now come upstairs with me so we can have make up sex!" she demanded, stomping her foot for good measure.

                There was a short stretch of silence before Duo emerged with a happy look on his face.  "Ok," he said before picking her up, slinging her over his shoulder, then carrying her away towards the elevators.  All the while, she was pounding on his back and ordering him to put her down, an order which he was content to ignore.

                Relena watched them go.  Suddenly, an arm was propped up against her shoulder.  "Another happy ending, hm?" asked a familiar female voice.

                Relena smiled and turned to look at her sister-in-law.  "Why, Noin, you look rather satiated."

                The older woman was quick to shake her head.  "Oh, no, sister, I'm just getting started.  You know, this forced abstention was actually really good for the libido.  Your brother just did the most amazing things.  And I haven't seen that look in his eyes for a long time."

                "Stop.  Too much information for this early in the morning, especially pre-alcohol," Relena said making a face.

                Noin ignored her.  "Oh man, he was just comin' all over the place.  Like a runaway hose – just allllll over the place."

                Relena's eye was twitching as she cringed at the unwanted, highly volatile mental image.

                Noin only smirked.  "Serves you right," she grinned.  "Well, I'm off to go play with my lovely stallion man a little more.  Hm, I wonder if he'll do that thing he does with his tongue again.  And his fingers..."  Relena's face was rapidly morphing from white to green as her sister bounded happily back upstairs to her lover, just loving life and all its quirky turns.

                Hilde was rocking in her chair, rocking with uncontrolled laughter.  "So you think Wufei's hot?"

                "And Duo, Heero and all the rest," Relena added with a smirk, "Not to mention the pilot, the waiter, the guy at the boutique, and the bell hop."

                "Oo, but the bell hop really was hot, though."

                "Well, fine, then so was the waiter."

                "Yeah, and the – wait, wait; so you think Wufei's hot?" Hilde asked again as she rolled and pitched in the chair.

                Noin was not amused.  "Yeah, well at least I didn't just spend all weekend reciting my little black book of 'Where I've Had Sex.'"

                "No, you mean '_How_,'" Relena corrected.  "Jeez, how often _do_ you think about sex?  And can you really do that with a dust-buster?"

                Now it was Hilde's turn to look pissed.  "Yes, you can," she answered, "and just what the heck were you thinking anyway?  It was supposed to be us messing with Sally, not you messing with all of us.  You know Dorothy's gonna kill you when she finds out."

                Noin shook her head, "Nah, Dorothy'll get over it in ten minutes.  Cathy's the one you're gonna have to watch out for.  And you know she carries her portables with her."

                Hilde nodded.  "Yeah, and those things are sharp."

                "Why won't Dorothy be pissed?" Relena asked.

                "Dorothy'd only get angry if she _wasn't_ gettin' any," Hilde answered.

                "Do you think Cathy's getting anything out of this?" asked Noin.

                Hilde shook her head.  "I don't think so.  Duo said Quatre was bitching about something or other while they were all hiding in the bathroom."

                "Hiding in the bathroom," Relena said with a self-satisfied chuckle.  Hilde and Noin only raised their brows and gave her a nasty look.  "Oh, come on, you guys.  It's funny.  Don't try telling me that you wouldn't have done the same thing."

                Hilde considered it for a moment then started to laugh.  "You're right, if it had been me, you'd all be sexually inebriated by now."  Suddenly she snickered.  "Did you hear Cathy at breakfast this morning?  She was going off about rose petals and handcuffs."

                Relena laughed, "Who knew the gay waiter hitting on Heero would turn her on."

                "Cathy wasn't the only one," Noin said looking pointedly at Hilde.  "Isn't that when you decided to sprout your story about the French guy?"

                Hilde just shrugged.  "What can I say?  Heero really did look good with that waiter."

                Noin cracked up.  Relena was traumatized.  The blond spent the rest of the evening pointedly recalling and vividly elaborating on every last experience that Hilde had unwittingly shared; yes, every last one including that one in the zoo near the monkeys with the corndog.

                That night, Relena was lying in bed with Heero who was nibbling gently at her neck, when suddenly she stiffened, groaned, and flopped over on her stomach, digging her head underneath the big, fluffy pillows.

                "What?" asked Heero, suddenly worried and defensive.

                "Not you," she groaned.  He sat there staring at her back for a moment before he heard it.  "She's doing it on purpose," Relena whined through the pillow.  "She's doing it to get back at me.  Oh, gross!" she groaned again as a particularly loud grunt came over across the hallway.  "This hotel's not soundproof enough.  I'm complaining to the manager in the morning," she declared.

                "That's Noin?" Heero said after a moment of listening.

                Suddenly Relena pulled her head out from under the pillow and sat up, looking at her lover curiously.  "Well, so, do you think she sounds good?"

                Heero frowned.  He was starting to get annoyed that 1) he wasn't doing precisely what her brother seemed to being right then, and 2) Relena looked a little too curious.

                "What?" he asked simply.

                She persisted.  "Do you think she sounds good?"  He blinked and refused to answer.  She sighed.  "It's just that we were talking about stuff before, me and the girls, and one of the things that came up was how we're each really good at, ahem, one _thing_.  Like how Noin is really good at making, you know, noises.  So, what do you think?  Does she sound that good?"

                "Relena," Heero began, talking plainly and calmly, "just to let you know, this is what I look like when I'm refusing to answer one of your insanely personal or entirely disturbing questions."

                "What's so disturbing about it?  Oh come on!"

                His left brow quirked, but he remained stoic and switched to tactic B: changing the subject.  "Do you think Dorothy can hear her?"

                "What?" Relena said, completely disoriented.  "Yeah, I'm sure she can, they've got the room right next to Noin."

                Heero smirked.  "Well, there isn't anything that sounds more sexually suggestive than that."

                Relena caught on and smirked along with him, sighing, "Oh, poor Trowa..."

                The next morning, 'poor Trowa' was talking to his brother-in-law as they made their way to the big conference hall.  "I don't think I can take it anymore.  I know I'm supposed to love her and everything, but at this point, I really would like to have her jaws wired shut."

                "Thanks so very much, Trowa," Quatre said with a large dose of sarcasm, "but I really don't need you rubbing in the fact that you're getting some and I'm not."

                Trowa shook his head emphatically.  "Don't you get it?  I'm not getting _some_, I'm getting _too much_!"

                "You're really not helping," Quatre complained, brushing the taller man aside.

                "Maybe this is some kind of strange Hammurabi's Code type thing: you know, an eye for an eye."

                Quatre looked annoyed.  "Have you recently blown a guy to death?"

                "_Quatre_," Trowa growled in warning.

                The blond shrugged.  "Then it's not Hammurabi.  If I may ask, have you tried talking to her?  Maybe if you ask her to stop-"

                Trowa cut him off with a noise of exasperation.  "Of course I've tried talking to her, I even bought her something to soften her up.  She sympathized for a second then pounced me!  It was insane!"

                "Maybe you should try avoiding her for a while then.  It might be some weird PMS thing."

                Again, a noise of exasperation.  "I hid at the Skimplight Bar across town and she found me in thirty minutes."

                Quatre gave a little whistle as he shook his head.  "Don't know what to tell you, Trowa.  Um, I don't know, isn't there, like, an opposite of Viagra pill?"

                Trowa twitched.  "I would never do that to him."

                Quatre stopped mid-step and regarded his brother-in-law carefully.  "I'm not even going to ask, in fact, I'm not even going to acknowledge that I even heard that."  They continued to walk down the hall towards the conference room.

                "We've got a problem."

                Relena turned to see Hilde glancing around worriedly.  The conference room was slowly filling with various dignitaries and other notable personages.  "What is it?" she asked, careful to keep her voice low.

                "Uh, you know that little _trick_ you played on Cathy?"  Relena struggled with a smirk but nodded.  "Well, it seems that it's kept her from doing certain _things_, you know?  And as a result the trick seems to be working a lot better than perhaps we wanted it to, you _know_?"  Then she leaned in a whispered, "Did you know she finds him in his glasses a total turn on?  See?  I'm not the only one."

                Relena's eyes suddenly grew large.  _Oh shit!  If Cathy hasn't gotten any from Quatre then everything's probably turning her on.  And here of all places!  Hm, wonder what Minister Patrini would have to say if he heard one of her little recitals._  She shook her head and wiped away her evil sneer.  Turning to Hilde, she declared, "Ok, we need to keep her away from Quatre.  At all costs.  This is globally televised, did you know?"

                "Oh, great.  That's perfect.  Can't you just de-hypnotize her?"

                "I have to get up there, like, right-" someone called out for the Vice Foreign Minister to take her place at the head table beside the stage podium, "-now," she finished.  "Make sure she's away from Quatre," she instructed as she hurried away.

                Hilde was left standing in the middle of the gradually filling room looking supremely annoyed.  "Oh yeah, there's a task if ever I heard one.  The woman's practically plastering herself to her sexy little husband," she mumbled to herself.

                "Who's sexy?" a voice asked her sternly.  She turned to see Duo standing there looking just the slightest bit miffed.

                "Why _you_, Sexy, of course," she purred as was her way, smiling as he began to react.  "Ack!" she cried as hormones started distorting her judgment.  She pushed him away.  "We don't have time for this.  Come on, you can help."

                "What?" Duo asked wearily as she dragged him across the room looking for the out-of-control Catherine.

                Meanwhile, Relena was sitting at the lead table with Heero beside her.  "Heero," she said quietly.  She felt him lean in to hear her better.  "I need you to give your seat up to Quatre."

                "What?" he asked with a raised eyebrow that said, 'this sounds interesting.'

                She sighed huffily, not liking the fact that her little _trick_ had gotten somewhat out of hand.  "Cathy's still, you know, the way she's been recently.  And, uh, well, it's getting worse.  Who knows what she'll – what will _happen_ if she's sitting next to Quatre.  Come on," she pleaded.  "Just do it, will you?"  Heero was smirking, and she hated seeing him so calmly amused.  "Heero, go now."  He shrugged and trotted away obediently, chuckling all the while.  "Men," she grumbled and turned to her notes to collect herself.  When Quatre arrived to take his seat beside her, he looked more relieved than anything when he found out about his new seating arrangements.

                Relena shook her head knowing she and Heero would never have made it this long.  She looked over the crowd and noticed her man's sexy grin coming her way.  She felt a shiver run up her spine.  She shook her head; nope, they wouldn't have lasted a day...

                They made it all the way through the speeches, even the debate.  Thankfully Murphy was taking a long bathroom break, so when words started flying from Catherine's mouth, it was during the lunch and not the actual conference.

                Relena collected her papers, and sighed.  She had been subconsciously waiting for some sexually explicit outburst to come ripping through the air the entire morning.  But now it was the midday break, a break in which she would get the chance to de-hypnotize Catherine.  Oh how she didn't look forward to that.  Cathy was gonna kill her.  Maybe she should bring Heero along, for protection.  She snorted at the idea.

                Just then, the man himself came to stand beside her, an unsettling grin on his face.  Behind him she spotted Governor Shaltz coming to speak with her.

                "What?" she asked quickly.

                He chuckled some more.  "I touched her arm and she said something about the _Kama Sutra_."  He tittered (because he really was tittering) some more then added smugly: "I turn her on."

                Relena restrained herself from strangling the love of her life.  "Heero, the fact that you have a sense of humor is very impressive, but this really isn't the time.  Besides, she'd find a camel stimulating at this point.  Now go keep Cathy away from her husband."

                A while later, as Governor Shaltz was finally taking his leave, Heero returned and this time he was laughing out right, which was really just inappropriate and annoying.

                "She gets turned on when I frown at her!"  Relena wanted to smack him.

                "Well then, smile," she growled.  "I'm sure it'll freak the shit out of her."  She spied Minister Chou coming her way.  "Now would you stop cackling and just do what I told you to do?!" she hissed.  Heero was too amused to correct her mistaken sense of domination, so he strode back to the redheaded woman.  She was currently being watched over by Hilde and Duo who were trying to shove sandwiches down her throat to keep her occupied and quiet.  He tittered again and tried to decide whether to smile or frown.

                Towards the end of the lunch, when Relena finally got around to de-hypnotizing Catherine, she had Noin and Hilde flanking her to restrain the fuming redhead.  Cathy screamed a bit, lamented her sexless nights, and swore revenge.  Luckily though, the second half of the conference lasted long enough that Catherine seemed to have calmed down, though she was still simmering somewhat, by the time the group went out for a nice relaxing dinner.

                For two and a half hours, Relena, Noin, Hilde, Catherine, and even Heero, tried desperately to make Wufei say 'Sally,' to no avail.  The man was insufferable!

                Completely exasperated, Hilde suppressed a scream and mumbled, "I just want to see a freakin' orgasm."  Unfortunately for Trowa, Dorothy happened to pick up on that comment and suddenly she was dragging him off to the bathrooms.  He shot the others a look, but Heero just smirked, and Quatre could only shrug and wave goodbye.

                As Hilde and Duo returned to their rooms that evening, Duo flopped down on the bed and captured his girlfriend in an imprisoning embrace, tugging her onto his lap.  "Ok," he began.  "What the hell is going on, exactly?"

                She turned to look at him over her shoulder with a shocked expression.  "Duo, what are you talking about?  Let me go, will you?"  He only tightened his grip.  She giggled when he started sucking at the skin on her neck.  "Umm...  Damnit, Duo, come on."  He moved a hand to her breast and she whimpered.  "Fine, fine," she managed to whisper, giving in to his evil little ministrations.  When he didn't stop, she laughed, "You know, I really can't concentrate enough to tell you anything when you're doing-" she gasped, "-that!"

                He pulled away and sighed.  "Ok, so talk," he said, still holding her firmly in his lap.

                Hilde nodded.  "Oh, well, see, Relena got all nasty on us and hypnotized us."

                Down at the bar, Quatre was having a revealing conversation with Heero.

                "Relena hides that evil streak well," Quatre said as he sipped at his glass.  "So, that's why Dorothy is...?"  Heero nodded.  Quatre sneered.  "Poor Trowa."

                Heero gave him a sideways glance, "Indeed."  They sipped at their glasses.

                "Wait, so tell me what Cathy said again.  Are you serious?"

                Heero nodded again.  "Sorry, Quatre, but you're getting boring."

                "Well, shit, that's about to change," he grumbled to himself, though Heero's super sensitive hearing picked it up with interest.

                "Where is your wife anyhow?  I would think that you two would be... preoccupied."

                Quatre shook his head.  "After dinner I had to stop by one of the local offices so she went out with Sally."  He paused.  "So that's why you guys keep trying to make Wufei say her name.  Has he yet?"

                Heero scowled.  "No.  I don't know how he manages it."

                "He's Wufei.  What can you do?" Quatre commented rhetorically.  "Anyhow, Cathy should be back by now.  If you'll excuse me, I have a reputation to correct."

                Heero smirked as he watched the blond walk confidently to the elevators.  When the doors opened, Duo was standing there with a grin on his face.  Heero watched as the two talked for a while, then Quatre stepped into the elevator with a sly smile on his lips and Duo came bounding over with his stupid grin.

                The braided one plopped gracelessly onto the seat Quatre had occupied moments before and quirked an eyebrow at his friend.  "Oy, Heero, your girlfriend's a very naughty girl."

                Heero smiled at the compliment.  "I would say so.  Why aren't you with Hilde?"

                "She ordered me out so she could take a nice relaxing bath.  I'm not due to creep in and jump her bones for another fifteen minutes."

                "I see."

                "I can't believe Relena did that," a new voice rumbled behind them.  Zechs sat down beside them and shook his head.  "My little sister."

                "Noin told you?" Heero asked.

                "Yeah.  I was starting to wonder.  And, hey, what the hell's wrong with Wufei?"  The other two shook their heads in disgust.

                After a moment, Duo leaned back and glanced at the elevators.  "So, how do you think Quatre's doing?"

                "Oh my GOD!!"  Cathy felt tears, wonderfully happy tears, dropping from the corners of her eyes.  The woman was screaming her head off.  "Yes!  Oh yes!  Quatre!!" she panted.  'Bye bye, Missionary!' the redhead thought fleetingly as her husband did amazing things to her in ways she never thought possible.  'Yes, goodbye forever!'  Then she went back to screaming mindlessly as another explosive orgasm took her to a place far, far away.

                Outside in the hallway Relena and Noin walked by, pausing as Noin stated more than asked, "She's going to have fun things to tell us later, isn't she?"  Relena nodded emphatically.

                The next morning before breakfast, Quatre went to talk to Relena on behalf of his suffering brother-in-law.  Relena grudgingly conceded to his request and agreed to de-hypnotize Dorothy that morning.  But when she motioned to Dorothy to come along with her to the bathroom during breakfast, Cathy decided to be nasty and began talking about something or other that was so definitely sexual.  Dorothy picked up on it and began dragging poor Trowa away.  Relena took hold of her arm and tried to deter the girl but Dorothy shook her head fervently, passionately even, saying clearly, "No!  This absolutely cannot wait," and then proceeded to drag Trowa away to his doom – oops, I mean, towards the bathrooms.

                While they were gone, lunch continued to provide much entertainment.  Everyone was ganging up on Wufei, employing many a useless tactic to try and pry that one little name from his lips, but the man was ice, stone; a veritable rock.  Twice someone shouted at him for being a chauvinist moron.  Zechs nearly hit the man when he asked 'Sal' to pass the bread and Quatre had to restrain his wife from chucking her silverware.

                In any case, the missing couple finally returned after their little romp.  Dorothy was fairly glowing with content; Trowa looked exhausted and grudgingly sated.  Relena jumped from her seat to say quickly, "I've gotta go to the bathroom.  Come with me."  Then she clamped a hand over Dorothy's wrist and towed her away before Catherine could open her mouth.

                As they left, Duo shook his head and nudged Quatre in the ribs.  "Why do girls always have to go to the bathroom in packs and pairs?  I mean, if I had to piss I wouldn't ask you to come with me."

                "I should hope not," Quatre said back evenly, pinning his friend with a disturbed look.

                In the bathroom, Dorothy blinked at Relena who was confessing and telling her about what had happened.  For a long moment, Relena was afraid Noin and Hilde were wrong and that Dorothy was actually going to skin her alive or something equally painful, but she let out a sigh of relief as Dorothy suddenly burst into maniacal laughter.

                "Wow, Relena, I never knew you had it in you.  You've got an evil streak!"  Relena was just happy she wasn't being skewered or worse.  "Now," Dorothy said, suddenly all business, "all we have to do is make Wufei say Sally's name."

                Relena huffed.  "The moron.  It's harder than it looks."

                Dorothy paused in her contemplations and turned to the other woman saying, "You do realize that we're going to have to do something awful to you later on, right?"

                "Of course."

                "Good," Dorothy nodded, "Just so you know."

                "Of course."

                "Well," she said, tossing blond locks over her shoulder, her lips forming a mischievous little quirk.  "I've got to go find Trowa.  After all the work I've been doing, he really does owe me."

                Relena sighed sympathetically as Dorothy went hunting and shook her head.  "Poor Trowa."

                That night, the group sat huddled together in Relena and Heero's room, conspiring against a certain Chinese moron and his 'talented' partner.

                "This sucks!" Hilde complained, loudly.  "We're never going to see it at this rate!"

                "There's something wrong with all this," Trowa warned.  "He's not such an ass that he really wouldn't say her name."

                Noin nodded, "Yeah, I've heard him call her by her name before.  Granted he doesn't say it often, but it's never been so extreme that he doesn't say it for an entire week."

                Zechs agreed, "And every time that he _has _said it so far, Sally's always been too far away to hear."

                "That's convenient," Catherine muttered sardonically.

                Suddenly, Dorothy gasped as the proverbial light bulb started blinking over her head.  "Oh my god!"  They waited as she went through a series of facial expressions.  "He _knows_!"  They gasped.

                "That would explain why he goes through so much trouble just to _avoid_ saying it," Quatre agreed.

                "That bastard!" Catherine cried indignantly.  "He's _toying_ with us!"

                "No wonder," Relena said.  "Everything we've done so far was crap!  He was playing us from the start!"

                "So what do we do now?" Trowa asked, "Tricking him obviously won't work now."

                "What if we confront him?" asked Duo.

                "No way," Hilde said shaking her head.  "How's _that_ gonna go?  'Excuse me, Wufei, would you mind saying your girlfriend's name so that we can watch her self-orgasm?'  Somehow, I don't think that'll float too well.  He obviously doesn't want us to see it."

                "Why not?" Catherine whined.  "It's not like she hasn't done it in front of us all before."

                "Really?" Trowa asked, looking surprised.  "When?"

                "Moscow," the girls answered together.  They could see all the others trying to retrace their memories.

                "Whatever," Noin said dismissively, "we need a plan.  How do we force him into saying it?  What about a Preventers Meeting?"

                "He'd just resort to calling her Water or Po," Heero dismissed.

                "I've got it!" Relena suddenly declared and motioned for everyone to scoot in closer.  Within their little huddle, she shared her plan.  "He doesn't _know_ we _know_ he _knows_.  _But_ if we _let_ him know we know, then we can force him to say it, with a threat..."

                In the morning, as birds twittered and the pregnant cook in the kitchen vomited, barely missing the pancake batter, Heero and Duo stood in the hallway at a top of the building, staring at a specific doorway.  They nodded to each other as the door opened and two figures emerged.  Time to start Operation Break the Chauvinist.  Step one: setting the stage.  They made their way over to the couple, trying to look nonchalant and not the slightest bit underhanded.  "Chang, Po," Heero greeted in a deceptively serious tone of voice.  Sally was latched onto Wufei's arm yawning tiredly.  Wufei looked entirely too smug and definitely too satisfied... if you know what I mean.

                "Yuy, Maxwell," Wufei responded in kind with just the slightest hint of a semi-smirk on his lips, an expression that Heero would not have noticed if not for last night's big discovery; the man did indeed _know_.

                "Impromptu meeting with Une.  We're convening in conference room A, second floor, 0900."

                "Une's here?" Sally asked.

                Duo shook his head.  "Nah, she's making her big screen debut.  Satellite feed," he clarified.

                "Ok, well, we're just gonna grab a bite to eat and we'll be there in a minute, ok?" Sally said with another gaping yawn as she tugged her man along down the hall.  As the couple walked away, they failed to notice the wicked little grins that settled upon the lips of the two behind them.

                With that part of the plan done, Heero and Duo took off for the second floor.__

                Sally was tired, more so than she had ever been in her life, she thought.  But as tired as she was, she was, most importantly, glowing.  That's right: glowing.  What a night!  She felt sore again, like she hadn't felt since high school.  Her nerves were still singing.  Oh yeah, what a night.  As if he could read the thoughts going through her head, Wufei turned to her and smirked condescendingly, but in a cute way that made her stop wanting to hit him.

                They neared the table where Hilde, Catherine, Noin, Zechs and Trowa sat looking smug and confident.  Wufei gave a little mental sigh as he prepared himself for another round of 'Make Him Say Her Name.'  But after an entire five minutes passed without so much as a 'Who's that?' Wufei was starting to get suspicious.  He looked over at Hilde and studied her carefully.  She had been one of the most avid players yesterday, and yet today, she seemed to be overly interested in her blueberry pancakes.  Beside her, Trowa was looking dispassionately at him.  The taller man chewed on a slice of apple, looking back at him with a typically blank look that harbored a thrilling edge of challenge.  Suddenly, Wufei had an idea of what had happened.  He decided to test his theory as Sally came back from the beverage stand.  "Hey, could you get me some tea, Sal?" he asked.  The group around him barely even stiffened and right then and there he had his answer.

                As Sally walked back to the get him his tea, Wufei smirked.  Things had just gotten interesting.  "I see," he said quietly as Sally returned.

                Now that Wufei knew they knew, it was time for step two: the challenge.

                "It's going to be a long meeting," Zechs stated bluntly, the sneer on his lips ever present.  Beside him, his wife nodded, her eyes pinning Wufei with a stare that spoke volumes.

                "I'd do anything to get out of it," Hilde said carefully as she dabbed at the corners of her mouth with her napkin, her eyes never leaving Wufei's guarded gaze.

                "It can't be that bad," Sally said, completely oblivious as to the subtext of the conversation.  "Une likes to be brief about things."  The moment the words were said, all eyes turned to her.  She thought about it for a minute before tacking on, "Well, usually anyway."  Wufei's eyes went wide and he quickly turned his attention to the table's other occupants.  They were smirking.  That was never a good sign.

                "Well, I guess we'll go on ahead," Noin said breezily.

                "Don't make us wait too long," Cathy tossed out as they all stood and unhurriedly walked away, their heads high.

                Sally stopped her masticating as she watched them march away.  She turned to her partner.  "Was it something I said?"

                He was too busy alternating between pale and flushed to answer her.

                Within the confines of the conference room, Quatre was making a last plea for mercy.  "Is it truly worth this suffering?  We won't only be punishing him, but ourselves as well!  Don't you see?"

                "What I see is that he isn't going to budge unless we force his hand," Zechs stated.

                "You could always just re-hypnotize her, with a different cue."

                Relena shook her head vehemently.  "No way.  He's _gonna_ say her name.  I don't care if he's screaming it in agony, he's still gonna say it.  Besides, he'd probably just hypnotize her himself, make her immune to us or something sneaky like that."

                Heero nodded.  "It's the principle of the thing."

                "You have to stick with us, Quatre," Duo said seriously.  "It's all or nothing.  We gotta stand firm, ya know?"

                Quatre looked somewhat afraid, but he took a deep breath and nodded affirmatively.  "I hope we're doing the right thing."  Just then, they heard Dorothy cough loudly from outside in the hallway.  It was the signal.  Their target had arrived and with him, the payload.

                Outside in the hallway, Wufei eyed Dorothy and Trowa with a cold eye before escorting his woman through the door.  It clicked shut behind them quietly.  Left alone in the silent corridor, Trowa turned to the lovely woman at his side.  "I don't know about this," he said quietly to his lover.  "Are you sure it's worth it?"

                Dorothy looked him in the eye and grasped his hand.  "It is.  I promise.  We can do this.  If we stick together, we can make it through this."

                He looked in her eyes and found the spark of courage within himself to pull through this ordeal alive.  His hand caressed her cheek lovingly and he placed a tender kiss on her temple, a warm antithesis to their usual, more ferocious signs of affection.  Taking deep breaths, they made their entrance and stepped onto the battlefield, the door closing behind them like steel gates.  There was no backing down now.

                "Get her on the line," Relena ordered as they all took their seats.  Heero nodded, trying not to feel like a lackey.  As he worked to put the connection up on the screen, Relena initiated the third and final step.  Step three: the threat.

                Wufei's eyes locked onto hers, but she ignored him valiantly.  "We've called this meeting to discuss some current issues that need to be resolved," she announced as Wufei glared at her.  "Namely," she said, swallowing her reservations and struggling to keep her tone steady as she lay the threat down on the table, "Namely, the Blackpoint model."

                A small gasp escaped Sally, the only person not privy to the situation.  She was making miniscule motions of fearful denial, her head twitching imperceptibly from side to side.  "But, Relena," she whispered.

                Relena ignored her and continued her staring contest with Wufei.  'I'm not bluffing; I'll do it,' her eyes said.  'Go ahead.  I dare you,' his flashed back.

                They continued their ocular-telepathy session for several tense moments before Relena's eyes gleamed dangerously and she snapped.  She turned her head to the video screen and with a flicker, the screen lit up, the form of Lady Une snapping into focus.  Taking a deep breath bravely, Relena felt Heero take her hand in his own, silently lending her his strength.

                "What's this about, Miss Dorlian?" Une asked politely.

                The silence of those fifteen seconds that followed thrummed in the ears of all those present.

                "Lady Une," Relena began calmly, taking one last look around the room, "We would like to discuss..." they were all unwittingly holding their breath, "your Blackpoint model," she finished, and somewhere in the distance a bell was tolling.

                Sally's hand grasped his own frantically.  Panic, fear, terror; the emotions were flitting about the room like fairies – fairies with the power to rip you to shreds, destroy your family, curse your bloodline!!  You get the picture.

                "Don't you agree?!" Une suddenly hollered from the video screen.

                "Yes, Ma'am!" they replied like good little frightened grown-ups.

                Over the past hour and a half, the 'discussion' that had started as Une's wordy speech about her newest model had evolved into a ranting diatribe, steadily progressing in volume with each passing point.  She would be at full Army-Bitch Mode within the next few minutes.  Then, she'd start in with the hand motions.  Oh, dear God in heaven...

                Wufei tried to withdraw into the safe corner of his consciousness – only to be rudely throttled back to reality as Une shouted out another question.

                "Yes, Ma'am!!" he shouted with the others.

                _I could end this_, he thought to himself.  It was easy, all he had to do was say her name, just say her name!  _Spare yourself from this_, his mind tried to reason.  But Pride took over and soon he was scowling as irately as ever.  He looked around at the others; they were suffering just as he was.  Dorlian looked shaken, a little pale even.  Beside her, Heero's left eye was twitching slightly.  Turning his head, he looked down towards the other end of the table where Dorothy had a death grip on Trowa's thigh.  Across the table, Catherine's eyes had gone saucer-size and Quatre was visibly trying not to cringe.  Next to him, Hilde's breathing had suddenly become erratic.  She didn't seem like the anxious type, Wufei mused then stiffened.  Recognizing that expression, he suddenly looked back at the others and noticed belatedly that everyone had gone into Full Panic Mode.  Realizing too late that he hadn't been paying enough attention to the ranting woman on the screen, he quickly tried to pick up on what it was she was yelling about.

                The woman's voice traveled across the vastness of space, from colony to planet, across the span of some five million electric cables, across the length of the conference room and slammed into her prey with all the brute force of a Jupiter thunderstorm.  "Maxwell!  Do you agree with Article VI paragraph 8?!" the Lady demanded.

                As Duo struggled with a suitable answer, Wufei could feel the beginnings of a cold sweat start to break out across his forehead.  The dreaded Question Rounds.  How could he have missed it?!  He should have seen it coming a mile away: the increased pacing, the agitated hand flicks, the intensely calculating looks she sent her audience, and, most telling of all, the squinting.  The Question Rounds: where everyone was a potential victim, when no one was safe.

                Wufei watched as Duo swallowed and wiped at the sweat in his eyes.  He had it harsh, being the first to be called upon, but at least it was a yes or no question.  It was a fifty-fifty chance.  And he was sure Maxwell was guessing because no one could ever remember all of Une's points, and agreeing with everything she asked wasn't safe either because she liked to point out counterarguments within her plans just so she could refute them with brutal force later on.

                Finally Duo croaked out a fearful, "Yes."  No one in the room breathed.  Then suddenly, Une barreled on with her 'lecture.'  Maxwell slithered lower into his seat, looking as if he had just run through a minefield and survived; it was an appropriate metaphor.

                Une rambled on some more then she squinted once, twice, then looked around at her audience.  It was 'fish-in-a-barrel' time.  Everyone prayed and tried to turn invisible.

                _Not me, not me, not me_, Wufei chanted in his mind, willing his psychotic boss to pass over him.

                "Chang!"  Oh, crap.  "Between Article XIII and XXII which course would you take?"

                Wufei felt Sally clutch his hand supportively.  He kept his eyes dutifully on the screen, knowing that if he even tried to seek help from the others, she'd have him toasted before he so much as blinked.  _Not that any of them would help you_, he thought to himself.  They were against him now.  Besides, it was probable that no one actually knew the answer.  He tried to think up an appropriate bull-shit response, but failed since he didn't really know what either of the articles focused on.  Well, crap, he didn't even know what the _model _focused on!  This hell had come into existence because he wouldn't say it.  All he had to do to save himself was say her name.  All he had to do...

                Relena watched him from across the table.  She could see the gears turning within his thick skull.  _Don't do this to us_, she thought at him, _Just say it already!  Before she gets us all!_

                Wufei could feel their eyes on him, just waiting for him to break.  Then suddenly, Une leaned forward and squinted at him with what can only be described as the speak-now-or-I-shall-destroy-you look, and he felt his heart skip a couple of beats.

                There was a landslide in his mind and suddenly, he caved.  _I can't take this anymore!!_  He jumped to his feet and slammed his palms down on the table hard enough to bring the wood back to life.  "SALLY!" he shouted as desperately as if he had been tortured for months, not hours.  "Sally, Sally, Sally, Sally, Sally!!!"

                The effect was instant.  Everyone leaned forward to watch as Sally flopped back in her chair, tossed her head from side to side, arched her back, writhed, whimpered, moaned, panted, shook; then did it all over again.  She whimpered, reaching over and clinging to Wufei who watched her just as intently as everyone else.  They watched in amazement as her body shuddered, pants and moans ruthlessly escaping her.  She latched onto Wufei's shirt and stared helplessly into his eyes.  Her audience sat riveted, unable to even blink.  It was amazing.  Not a touch and there you go.  What a gift.

                When Sally finally drifted back down into her body, she found that Wufei was kissing her voraciously – in front of all her closest friends to boot.  Those same friends were staring at her in awe and appreciation, for what, she had no idea but she was sure it wasn't anything good.  When Wufei broke away, he turned to the others, who were all still sitting there in rapt attention, and said, "If you're all quite satisfied, we'll be leaving now," before swiftly tossing Sally over one shoulder, ignoring her squeak of indignation, then headed for the doors.  They heard him mutter, "Gods, woman.  Do you know what that does to me?  Sally?" he tacked on, chuckling as she began to quiver once again.

                It was a couple more minutes before the group finally realized that the self-orgasming woman and her lucky consort had at some point left the room.  They blinked and reassured themselves that they were still awake and what they had just witnessed had been entirely real.

                "Wow," Duo sighed, looking blissed out and horny.  "Um, see you guys tomorrow."  He grabbed Hilde's hand and dragged her still-speechless self back to their room.  The others took a look around the table before silently agreeing: they took off at a run out the door.

                Having been completely forgotten, Une was still there on the screen, blinking, swallowing, fanning herself, and wondering what the hell had just happened.  After a few more minutes of blinking, she shrugged dismissively.  "Well, _that_ was fun," she murmured quietly just before she hit the button, affectively ending the transmission.

                "So you knew from the beginning, huh?" Duo asked the next morning as the group gathered together one last time before they left for the airport.

                Wufei smirked at the question but admirably refrained from gloating.

                "Bet it was fun at night," Cathy commented.

                Wufei kept right on smirking.

                "Never knew you were so _bad_," Hilde said, grinning.  "That's just plain evilness, Wufei!"

                "No wonder she's been so exhausted," Noin laughed.

                "That's like a double strength whammie, isn't it?" Hilde asked.  "I am so jealous."

                Duo twitched at that.  "Excuse me?"

                Right then, a shriek came from the other room.  Their eyes turned to the closed doors of the room in which Relena had taken Sally to de-hypnotize her.  The initial scream was quickly followed by a scandalous string of obscenities, pledges of violent vengeance, and threats to engage in acts of bodily harm.

                "Ouch," Quatre blanched at the last painful threat, "That's not gonna be pretty."

                At last the door opened and Relena stepped out first, blushing and looking a little dazed.

                Sally stepped out nervously behind her, and everyone started clapping, causing her to turn an unnatural shade of red, kinda neon.  She glared at them, her fury rolling off in palpable waves.  The clapping stopped abruptly.  "If word of any of this leaves this room, I'll hunt down each and every one of you and strip you of key parts of your anatomy, got it?!"  They gulped and nodded.

                "So you're... cured?  Sally?" Wufei asked experimentally.  She glared at him.  He shrugged, trying not to look too disappointed.

                "Alright, people," Zech said at last.  "Let's start moving out, we've got to get to the airport by two."

                They all groaned at the idea of leaving the luxury hotel for cramped apartments and monotonous work.  As they started filtering out of the room, Trowa suddenly called out, "Wait!"  They stopped.  "When the hell did you two do it in my car?!"  Duo and Hilde took off at a run with Trowa not far behind.

                "That's it," Relena said definitively as she looked around the room once more.  "This week was fun," she snickered as she handed her bags to Heero.  "Can you believe they're all so susceptible to hypnotism?"  She tried not to laugh, but was ultimately unsuccessful.

                "I doubt the other girls feel the same way," he commented.

                Relena had the decency to blush, just a little, then changed the subject.  "I am definitely not looking forward to going back to work."

                "At least we get to go home," Heero said as he put an arm around her waist.

                There was a knock on the door as Dorothy called out, "Relena?  Are you coming down?"

                "Yeah, hold on," Relena replied.  With a sigh, she pulled out of Heero's embrace and straightened her suit.  "I'm gonna go return the key and settle the finances.  I'll meet you in the lobby, ok?"

                Heero nodded, but as she made to leave, he called out, "Wait, Relena."

                "Hm?" she asked, turning to face him again.

                He smirked.  "You look beautiful today."

                Her eyes melted abruptly taking on a sort of glazed look, and then she walked to him as if in a trance and kissed him for all he was worth.  Breathing heavily, her eyelids lowered, she broke off the kiss and looked up at him again as if seeing him for the first time.  Then she smiled happily before turning and walking out the door.

                As he watched her walk away, Heero shook his head and thought to himself: _Every time_.  At that moment, Duo burst through the door with a terrible grin on his face.  Heero only lifted an eyebrow.

                The braided pilot began to chuckle roguishly.  "I just had an incredible idea.  What do you think the odds are that Wufei might be susceptible to subliminal messages...?"

                _Oh dear_...

                A few days later, a group of five vindictive women watched discreetly from around the corner as the Vice Foreign Minister stomped out of her office with a scowl etched into her fine features.  The women snickered.  Moments later, the enigmatic Heero Yuy stepped out of the office into the hallway.  He was adjusting the collar of his shirt, looking generally annoyed and more than a little put out.  He stopped in front of the closed door, then turned to stare right back at the group of women watching him.  He sent them a potent glare, but they easily ignored it and merely smiled and waved.

                "I _almost_ feel sorry for him," Noin commented.

                Catherine snorted.  "Yeah, like how I _almost_ feel sorry for Relena."

                "So let's see," Hilde mused.  "This is Day 2, right?  That means she's still got about a week and a half of her sentence to carry out."

                "A week and a half of not being able to come.  That's gonna suck," Dorothy said with a satisfied look on her face.

                "How are the guys keeping him from de-hypnotizing her?" Sally asked.

                "They got a hold of their 'private video collection,' if you know what I mean, and they're holding it ransom.  The guys think this whole thing is hilarious; after all, Heero was technically an accomplice," Hilde explained.

                At that moment, Duo and Trowa peeked out from behind their own corner at the other end of the hall and waved a mysterious disc in the air at Heero.  The moment he saw it, Heero took off at a run with murder in his eyes.  The girls were wearing identical smirks of contentment as they watched the three men disappear from view.

                As a group they turned around and headed casually back downstairs.  Dorothy laughed suddenly, "This is gonna get really fun once the guys start spiking Heero's coffee."

                Catherine shook her head, "Man with raging hard-on meets girl who can't orgasm: sweet revenge indeed."

                "Here, here," the others chorused.

                "Well, that's what she gets for hypnotizing us," Noin stated.

                Sally nodded.  "And for drinking too many spiked margaritas and letting _us _hypnotize _her_."

                Hilde just smiled and folded her arms behind her head.  "Isn't hypnosis fun?"

                Behind them, Duo and Trowa dashed by with Heero on their heels.

                "You've got a week and a half to go, Heero!" Trowa yelled back.

                "You should be saving your strength!" Duo added.

                Heero's angry growl was accompanied by a sudden burst of speed.

                Duo turned to Trowa as they prepared to split up.  He had a wild grin on his face as he declared, "Man, I love this game!"

                Lady Une watched all of this with great amusement.  She shook her head and smiled as she headed for the elevators.  Adjusting her glasses, she brought the book in her hand to eye level and began to read: '_Hypnotizing For Morons_: an introduction to the art of making people do stupid things whenever you want them to.'

                She smiled.  Yes, what a great game indeed.

THE END

(For anyone who's still confused: Noin got hot when she saw hot guys; Hilde reminisced about past sexual experiences whenever she thought about sex; Cathy vocalized fantasies every time she was turned on; Dorothy blew Trowa when she heard something sexual (poor Trowa); and of course, Sally did her thing every time Wufei said her name.)

Thanks for reading!


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